Let's Talk About Deviled Eggs

As I am getting older, the holidays are beginning to change. My great grandparents have passed away, and some of my grandparents are aren't able to come to my house to celebrate anymore. My aunt just had a baby, and has her own family to celebrate with in El Paso. I guess this happens as you grow up. The family dynamic changes and the people you are with will vary. However, I did not really expect to feel so bitter and sad about it.

I've been remembering some old family traditions. They usually revolve around food, but not always. Every Christmas Eve night was dedicated to my mom's side of the family. Granny, Marty, Auntie, and Erin would come to our place. We would have appetizers like shrimp, and then eat steak, green beans, and mashed potatoes. Every year we would argue whether or not the stockings should be opened first, or the presents. Auntie and I were on the stockings first side, with everyone else wanting to open presents. (Is it really any debate though? Stockings are like a warm-up to the big stuff! It has to come first!) My sister and I would pass out everyone's presents, and we would watch each other open one at a time. After it was all said and done, we would haul our loot to our rooms, and go to bed eager to see what Santa would have in store for us the next morning!

Christmas morning was just the four of us- Mom, Dad, Katie, and I. Katie and I were so excited that we wouldn't even eat breakfast. We just woke up Mom and Dad to open! Although this aspect of Christmas hasn't changed yet, I know it will when I move out one day. I also wonder if the magic of Christmas you feel as a kid dies away with every year you mature. I hope not.

Christmas Afternoon, some of my Dad's side of the family celebrate with us. Grandma Sallie, Granddaddy David, Uncle Dan, and my great grandparents, Grandpa and Grandma Billie, would come over to our house (or sometimes we would go to theirs). Katie and I would show off what Santa had brought us and we would bring down every present we had opened. At lunch, Grandma Sallie would (and sometimes still does) make the best broccoli, rice, and cheese casserole. She also made that pink and green fruit marshmallow fluff, that is dessert disguised as fruit salad. That stuff is the best. Grandpa always made his homemade eggnog after lunch. It had just enough Jack Daniels whiskey in it "to cook the egg". There was never enough whiskey in it for mom, but we had to have the "kid safe" version! One of the things I'll miss the most is Grandma Billie's Deviled Eggs. They were great. She had a special plate that had 12 little curves and dips in it to hold the eggs. I was cautious and wary as a young child; those red eggs were suspicious! But now it's something I miss the most about her. Grandma Sallie tried to make them again the next year after she died but I didn't partake in it. I actually haven't had a deviled egg since she died, until recently, and I wanted to go home and cry after I ate it.

Deviled Eggs are not my favorite food. It's not something that I want to eat all the time. However, they give me a good memory of my Grandma Billie and Grandpa when one of the only other memories I have is them living out the rest of their lives withering away in a nursing home.

I don't think I'll eat another deviled egg anytime soon, because none of them will ever taste as good as my Grandma Billie used to make.

These different foods remind me of some great Christmases during my childhood, and the fact that I haven't eaten some of them any and won't eat some of them for awhile makes me realize that this chapter of my life is coming to a close. Soon enough I'll have my own family to celebrate the holidays with. I guess this is a part of life, but I do feel sad that some of these traditions must come to a close. I wish they didn't have to.

Dealing With Performance Anxiety

Your heart is beating fast. Your breathing is getting heavy. You begin to sweat and your hands begin to shake. Your face is turning pink and all you can think about are the worst-case scenarios. Your name is called, and a surge of fear strikes your heart. As you walk to the chair, room, or stage you will play on, you wonder what will happen if you crack a note or mess up a fingering. Will the judges ask you to leave? Will they shake their heads? What if you don’t make the All-Region Band? What if you don’t get into the Music Program at Tech?

These are the thoughts and feelings of many performers (including myself) before and during an audition. You spend hour upon hour preparing for this moment, and play poorly because you are nervous and mess up. This is so frustrating! You spent way too much time practicing for it all to be ruined in one moment because of nerves. This audition may determine lots of things, and you have just ruined your chances of success.

Here are some sure fire ways of dealing with performance anxiety, and ensuring your best success in an audition:

  
   1. The best way to feel secure during a performance is to practice like you are performing. While you are practicing the music, be thinking of the room you will be in, the audience you will play to, and the general atmosphere of the room. Every time you bring the horn to your face, pretend this is the audition. The practice you just had is exactly what the judges will hear. This way you will feel prepared, instead of taken by surprise on the day of the performance.

   
   2. Don’t over play the day before or the day of the performance. You want to sound your absolute best that day, so don’t blow your lip beforehand by over practicing. Also try to go to bed early, and eat healthy meals.

   
   3. Know your schedule and other details (like clothing) before the day of the audition. You do not need to have extra stress like worrying how you will get there, or wondering where that one pair of shoes are. The only thing you need to be focused on is the moment you walk through those doors and begin to play. Also know how you will present yourself (if you will introduce yourself, bow, etc.)

   
   4. Eat a banana an hour beforehand. It’s a beta blocker and will calm your nerves. (Some people actually take prescription drugs like beta blockers, but I’m not sure how I feel about that). Also have a water bottle with you so your throat doesn’t get dry (but be near a bathroom in case you drink too much- you do not need to be playing your horn on a full bladder!!!)

   
   5. Make sure you have a friend or two that know about this performance and are supporting you! I know getting a sweet text from a friend can remind you to calm down and make you feel a little more positive.

   
   6.Try not to feel negative throughout the day about your later audition. The mindset you have before will greatly affect your ability. If you believe you will mess up measure seven, then you will. Think positive and even encourage yourself in front of the mirror!

   
   7. Don’t give too much downtime before the performance. First of all, you won’t be as warmed up and your horn might be too cold. Second, you will give yourself too much time to think of all the worst things that could happen to you. Give enough time to focus and be ready, but not too much time to relax and lose focus or get nervous.

   
   8.  BREATHE! Honestly, before you play that first note, take a big breath and play with confidence. This first note may set up the success for the rest of the piece. The judges do not want to hear a wimpy sound or cracked first note. Remember that (hopefully) the audience just wants to hear music, which is what you (hopefully) want to do. The audience is on your side and generally wants you to do well! No one is rooting for your failure (and if they are…who cares what they think?)

   
   9. Let me emphasize again the importance of practicing. Don’t practice until you get it right, practice until you can’t get it wrong. This will be important in performing. You will feel prepared, and even if you are nervous, you will know the music and be able to play so well, it won’t even matter. 

   10.And finally, Remember why you are here. Sure, maybe it’s to get a job or make a chair, but ultimately, you are there to have fun and make music. It’s a beautiful thing. Don’t underestimate it.

Best of luck to you and your future auditions!

Living in the Moment

I have a lot of things to say. Unfortunately, I forget most of them because I never write it down and therefore, don’t think about it again. So I’ve decided that a blog would be a good idea, (rather than writing on paper) because it’s faster and somewhat more motivating. There’s something about being drawn to technology these days (but don’t get me wrong, I love reading a good old paperback book).

I think I spend a lot of time looking forward to the moment my head hits the pillow at night, or the weekend when I might get to sleep in a bit. Sure, everyone enjoys these moments, but are we spending too much of our day just waiting for it to end? What a waste of time! It’s almost pointless. I need to look at each and every day as a blessing from God that I get to spend it learning and growing. Netflix and naps are not what we should strive for in life…although it’s great every now and again (or even more). I’m praying God will help me live in the now and appreciate every second I have getting to do what I love. Each day that I just “go through the motions” is a day wasted. One awesome thing I get to do every day is make music. But some days I just play the notes of the page. I don’t actually play musically and enjoy this incredible thing I am blessed to be able to do. My best friend reminded me that I get to do what I love every day, and that I should be excited and joyful for the experience. But I don't always take it for granted. There are days when I get in my car after class, and just praise God for such a blessing. I literally shout in my car and exclaim my passion to God. Several times a week I will just sit in awe of music and just think "I freaking love band." Through this I try to praise God. He created music, and boy am I thankful for it.

I also love to write. I was almost an English major. I guess I love music even more. The past couple days I’ve been wanting to write down feelings I had, or memories of a sweet moment. I wanted to express how it feels to hit the cold water in a pool on a hot summers day, how the chlorine smells and makes your clothes and hair smell like it too, and how your fingers become wrinkly after several hours of fun. I want to talk about Grandma Billie’s muffins and Grandma Sallie’s long talks about God. I want to express the feeling of walking through Granny’s field and watering the animals. I want to explain how the water sounded as it hit the trough. I want to tell you how it smelled when she hugged me and how she made my favorite meals every visit. I want to express how it feels to be huddled up in a blanket with a book and coffee while it rains, and I want to show the smell of the outside when it’s over. I want to show you the colors of the sunset God created (but probably not the sunrise because I’ll still be asleep). I realized today that, somehow, this can be done through music. The art of this is trying to take all of these moments, and turn it into sound. How do you take a feeling, a taste, a smell, or a moment and turn it into sound? I don’t know yet, but it makes me excited to learn more about how music works. Maybe one day you’ll be playing a piece of music composed by Bonnie Bearden.