Today was a busy day. All my days are busy days. They are filled with classes, meetings, concerts, workshops, practicing, and homework. I live my life hour by hour according to my planner. I have 8 am music theory, then practicing, history, piano, then band rehearsal. Other days I have aural skills, my literature class, band rehearsal, a lesson, horn studio, then a Tau Beta Sigma meeting. I have to make sure I wear my candidate pin at all times, carry my board and binder at all times, and acquire a certain amount of service, signature, and concert points week to week. Not to mention what I do on the weekends. Today I spent it playing at a conducting workshop, and listening the Canadian Brass play! Great stuff, and I learned a lot! Next week is TMEA, the next weekend I need to plan a Valentines day party for our candidate class, and the next weekend our horn studio is going to the mid-south horn workshop.
Each hour of my every day, my mind is looking forward to the next thing to check off my list. I feel so rushed and busy I hardly have time for homework, let alone time to practice, and time to relax and watch Netflix. It's only the second week of the semester and I've already had a meltdown 3 times.The classes are looking to be a lot more difficult and time consuming than last semesters, and it seems overwhelming. I have to read a lot of novels I don't have time for, and write an argumentative paper over something I know nothing about. Sometimes I have to remind myself to breath and make sure I am living these moments to the fullest. Make sure I'm enjoying this great experience I have studying music at Texas Tech. I was also recently stressed about a decision regarding me moving out of my parents house and into an apartment with my TBS family. It needed to be a hasty decision, and I was ready to jump all in. My parents on the other hand, were not, and refused to make a split decision like that.
In both of those two paragraphs, you can see there is no mention of God at all.
My semester thus far has been me worrying about my time, stress, business, important decisions, and success. It has all been about me and what I do, not about me relying on God and doing what he wants me to do. Did I ask God if he wanted me to make that next step to move out and into an apartment? No, I only thought of what I wanted. I live my life sleeping, eating, and breathing band, as if it's the most important thing in the world. It sure seems like it sometimes. Most of the time.
But tonight my best friend and I went for coffee, and while I yapped on and on about my semester thus far, and how I was struggling but was still so hopelessly in love with music, she talked about how she was growing closer to God. She talked about how prayer was becoming an important part of her daily life. I was immediately humbled, and realized how little I include God in my day to day life. It's as if the music building is my world, and dare I say it, my god, my idol. How many times do I talk to God and read his word? Maybe once a week. Maybe at church. Maybe only when I really need Him. Maybe when I'm having a bad day. Instead, I put my faith and trust into an instrument, into friends, into a sorority, or my musical ability. But when all that fails, what will be left for me?
This is why I am so grateful to have friends who love Jesus. Their love for Him is so inspiring and encouraging to me. Having friends like that help keep me accountable in my walk with the Lord. Sometimes in my walk with God, I'll tell God I'm tired, and go to rest on a bench or chair. I'll stay there for awhile, distracted by the things in the world. Meanwhile, God is standing there asking me to join him again, because the walk isn't finished. It's friends like her who come to my bench and remind me that the walk isn't over, and that Jesus is waiting for his daughter to come back to him.
Music isn't bad. It isn't evil. But like many other things in life, it can be a distraction from God. Instead of making music about me and my ability to play, I need to make about praising Him. I need to be the best I can, to bring glory to Him. Not me.
"Praise the Lord, for the Lord is good; celebrate his lovely name with music." -Psalms 135:3
